Ghosts from the Past
by Lalilulelovee
Summary: Killbane is dead, Cyrus is dead, Shaundi and Viola are dead, Gat is dead, and the list goes on and on for the Boss. The Saint's battle is over, but is it really for her? Follow her journey to her dreams to confront the ghosts from her past. Will she be able to forgive them? Will she be able to forgive herself at all?
1. She wakes up

A/N: Hey everyone, I present you a a series of oneshots I write when I get bored writing my other story, The Line between Life and Death (check that out too, if you may). Whew, this was really fun to write actually, especially the next chapters with all the delusional shit. :)

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Prologue: She Wakes Up

My whole body was shaking when I woke up. I was sweaty all over, my shirt felt like it's soaked. I was breathing heavily, panting. I took off my damp shirt and threw it on the floor. I hugged my knees.

It's that damn dream again. No...it's was _nightmare_.

It's been a while since I've been getting these nightmares. Every time I doze off, in the couch, in the car, things just keep crawling into my brain. Memories buried deep in my head. Both good and bad memories twisted into darker and more horrible ones.

It began shortly after I killed Killbane... or should I say, let Shaundi die.

What is this feeling? Guilt? Self-pity? I did what I thought was right at that time but... Shit. I'm an idiot. They all died because I'm a jaded lunatic with a big ego.

"Boss?" a Saint called out from outside, knocking the door as he spoke. "You okay in there?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." I ran my fingers through my hair wet from sweat.

"You need anything? We heard your screaming from downstairs."

"Uh, yeah. Just having a bad dream, that's all."

I sat up on the bed and reached for the nightstand. I opened the drawer and took out a bottle of pills my shrink gave me. Says it will help with my nightmares and hallucinations or whatever they are. I took a handful of white tablets and swallowed it dry. I looked down the drawer and say an old picture under all the bottle of pills I take.

I held the rotting photograph in my hand. It was my only photo together with all the Saints, back when I was second-in-command. It was taken in front of the church, long ago, when Troy was just another Saints lieutenant; When Johnny was just a carefree trigger-happy; when Dex wasn't flying with Ultor; when Lin was still alive; when Julius still cared for the Saints; and when I was just a simple girl with big dreams for the Row. Everything has changed. I can't even recognize myself anymore.

I have two cities at the palm of my hands and the most faithful and dangerous gang behind me. I have money, I have power, I have influence. Everything I ever wished for when I joined the Saints and even when I was but an ambitious girl. But you know what? I still feel empty. Void.

I'm not like how I used to be when I first joined the Saints. I used to be so carefree, so happy... and now I'm just... There's something wrong with me. I feel... incomplete. Like a part of my heart had been chipped through the years. The part which makes me laugh or cry or fear or feel anything was gone.

Now, I'm just numb to everything.

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A/N: Well, there goes... I will be writing an indefinite number of chapters after this. Each will be a dream of the Boss about... I don't know, past events and stuffs that I will twist and turn until it becomes a nightmare. *Evil laugh*

Ah, read and review.


	2. Night 1

A/N: Here we go. Please take note that the Boss is asleep and just dreaming, so if there are inconsistencies, just go on... Dreams are made to be confusing. Also, there's no beginning and end, as Max Payne said, so I'll just start and cut it wherever. This story is inspired by Max Payne's delusions by the way. I really loved their dream world sequence in the game. Play it if you have time.

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_Maybe I'm the problem. Maybe, just maybe, I was not intended be the hero of this tale._

_When I was young, I read comic books and watch TV shows, and wait for the super hero to come and save the day. Admit it: we all wanted to fly in capes and save the city from trouble at one point of our innocent and ambitious childhood. And believe me, when I dream, I dream big._

_But one day, I woke up and realized that I'm the villain the heroes chase out in comic books. That looney maniac who kills anyone who stands between them and their selfish, twisted goals, and gets away after a long hard fight with the heroes._

_That's me. Or at least that's what's underneath the mask of 'hero' placed over my face._

_Neither Stilwater, nor Steelport, have a hero to protect them. I can't really blame them for dubbing a notorious gang leader and her posse as heroes after saving them from cyber soldiers from hell. STAG – and they were supposed to protect and serve._

_Evil has its standards, or at least I do. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm still going to hell after all these are done._

**Night 1: To the man who picked her up from the streets**

Everything was just hazy in the beginning. I was just walking alone in the darkness. I placed the hoodie over my head as I walk. I felt like I don't want to bee seen, to be recognized by the fans wanting autographs from the woman who saved their city from a giant airship deployed by STAG or hide from Saints trying to congratulate me and get on my good side. I can't see anything or anyone around but I felt eyes on me. I am alone.

The night was cold and I suddenly found myself walking down a familiar alley. There's a guy selling watches at me, trying to sales talk the hell out of me. A hooker leaning seductively on the wall.

"Hey babe, looking for a good time?" She probably thought I'm a dude with my short black hair under a baseball cap and a hoodie which also hid the bump of my breasts, not like there's much to hide.

I fixed my eyes on the hooker. This is awfully familiar. Where have I seen this before?

"Levar, you gonna let those bitches disrespect us?!" A man in yellow yelled, catching our attention.

"Shit, whatchu think?" 'Levar' took out a bottle of spray paint and began tagging over the wall's graffiti.

Moments later, some boys in blue came over and argued with the yellows. A sloppy fistfight ensues between the two groups. I don't really care.

This scene's too familiar for me. Where-

"Hector says, Buenas noches..." A red low rider drove-by and sprayed bullets at the alley. I dove out for cover but a bullet grazed my shoulder. I looked down at my bleeding arm but felt no pain. I felt no distress like I knew what's coming.

"Wrong time, wrong place, dawg." A man in yellow was suddenly in front of me. His gun aimed at my head.

I thought of closing my eyes but I can't. My eyes were wide open as I stared at the barrel of the gun, waiting for it to blow my head. I felt a certain euphoria as I waited for my death.

"Just like old times, playa." I looked up to the man in yellow holding the gun but he had morphed into a black elderly man. He had a sympathetic look on his face. Pity.

"Julius?" The name flew out of my mouth. My eyes widened as my memory filled my head.

Julius was my boss, the leader of the Third Street Saints, well, at least before he bailed on us and blew me up. Yes, I remember now.

The wall behind me collapsed like a cardboard prop in a movie set. Suddenly, we were outside, in the ruins of the amphitheater in Amberbrook. I looked up and the sky was bright, the sun was shining behind Julius, casting his shadow over me. A strong gust blew away my hood and my baseball cap. My hair flew behind me, it was suddenly long and red as it was when I conquered Stilwater after my coma, when I killed Julius.

He still has his gun pointed on my head and I was sprawled on the ground, bleeding from my shoulder. I was about to open my mouth again when he spoke.

"Don't you get it? The Saints didn't solve a goddamn thing. Drugs were still being pushed, innocent people were still getting killed... All we did was turn into Vice Kings that wore purple." He glared at me, judging me with his look.

"N-no! You're wrong!" I shook my head, "I did what you asked me to do! How can you say that to me? How can you blow me up in a boat after all I did for you?!" My throat felt dry. I wanted to ask him a long time ago, after I woke up. Why, Julius? "You wanna be the killer with a conscience? Fine, drop your flags and write a book like King, but you never should've come after me..."

"You tellin' me that if I woulda asked you to walk away, you would have said yes?" He shot back.

"I—No! This is my city." I shook my head. Shit. That just makes it worse. "But you didn't give me that choice, did you?" What if he did ask me to drop flags back then? Would I do it? Would Johnny do it? Would we even consider it? Leaving the Saints...

"Jesus, you haven't learned a goddamn thing." He shook his head.

"You're wrong! I-I made the Saints something you never could have! We rule Stilwater and Steelort. People respect us." I stuttered, trying to defend myself from the man's judging eyes, "W-We have weapons, a strong crew, tons of money to do whatever-"

"Oh, is that what it's all about?" The voice made shivers run down my spine. I turned to see Johnny leaning on one of the broken pillars of the amphitheater not far from us. He walked towards us and I noticed his blood stained shirt and jacket, his broken glasses, his bloody face filled with disappointment in me. I looked away. I can't look him in the eye. It hurts.

"Thought you said you never wanted any more of your friends to die?" A smirk went over his face as he kicked me lightly on my side to get my attention. I looked up to him again. I wanted to cry, grovel over his feet, but I can't. I can't even find the words to say to him.

"I... I..."

"Was it worth it, Boss?" my head snapped the other way to find the angry voice.

"Pierce..." He was kneeling on one knee beside me.

"I told you Boss!" He yelled angrily, "Killbane ain't worth losing our girls! How can you even live with yourself knowing that you let Shaundi die over some masked steroid junkie?"

"You don't understand!" I tried to argue.

I felt arms crept over my shoulder, hugging me from behind. I looked down the slender arms dangling in front of me. It was all burnt up, charred.

"Boss..." she placed her chin over my shoulder, "I waited for you..." she said weakly, "till the very last second..." Her charcoal fingers withering as it touched my face.

I began screaming hysterically. I wanted to stand up and run from all of this, but I can't feel my legs. I'm stuck at her embrace. With her withered hand, she covered my mouth as I screamed.

I heard the gun cocking, I looked up again to Julius.

"I should've let you died on that street that night, playa."

I closed my eyes again, readying myself for the bullet about to travel in my head.

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A/N: Well, that played well. I'll have you know, that wasn't how I intended it to be. My keyboard played on its own.

That's how we'll be doing this, one delusional dream at a time. Read and Review!

Minor edits. Placed an opening quote at the beginning, because I would be using it in the following Nights. Damn, can't believe I missed it.


	3. Night 2

_I lied when I told myself that it was over. The nightmare never ends. Whether I'm awake or I'm asleep, it's there. It wasn't over. They were dead. And I'm alone and miserable._

_In a dream, nothing is unusual and everything is possible. You will never suspect a giant green elephant to be a figment of your imagination, but instead, you will think that it is perfectly natural for it to appear in your bathroom. Dreams are bizarre experiences. _

**Night 2: Sinking into the abyss**

I opened my eyes and saw the dashboard in front of me. It was cluttered with rags, some mints and candy wrappers. The stereo played a soft relaxing melody.

I didn't need any more clues to know where I am sitting in. I know this car even just from the sweet smell. It's Lin's Voxel, no doubt.

I took a peek in the windshield. I was surprised to what I saw.

Over the vast horizon of the sea is the sun, setting beautifully. It was like a tropical paradise; white sand, crystal clear water reflecting the sun's rays, tall coconut trees over the car. It was majestic.

I unbuckled the seat belt and opened the door. I kicked off my shoes before I set foot on the sand. The fine grains seeped between my toes as I walked. How long has it been since I went to the beach to relax?

Tire tracks were on the sand towards the sea, as if the car had just drove out of water and parked itself on the beach.

"Hey." I turned as I heard the familiar voice. I saw Lin leaning over her beloved Voxel's hood. Her dark hair was down and was swaying with the gentle breeze.

"Lin!" I ran towards her with open arms. She stood up and met me in an embrace.

It was her. I know it's her. Her sweet smell, her soft skin I always envied, it was unmistakable. Lin; the woman who inspired me to be the strong person as I am today. The very first time we met, I knew she was the woman I would want to be. Strong, independent, confident - That's Lin.

"How is this possible?" Tears were welling in my eyes again. I can't help it. She's right here in front of me. "I came back and looked for you, I swear!"

"Well, let's just say that my car can do more wonders than you think." She smiled at me. "How have you been? I heard you had just declared a city state."

I blushed. She always teases me when I do something good back then. "Where did you hear that?"

"Oh come on, we have TV here! We watched you live!" She punched me on the shoulder lightly, "And besides, everyone was talking 'bout it."

I scratched my head, ashamed that she had seen my feats on TV. God, it's so embarrassing. What if she watched me at Murderbrawl? I look ridiculous! "You think I over did it?"

"No." she said flatly, "The camera loves you." She pulled me into another hug, "Aw, I can't believe my little girl has grown up to be such a fine woman! I bet the boys are fawning over you now."

"Not really." I pulled away from her tight embrace, "I don't even have a boyfriend". I smiled sheepishly.

She laughed as she walked towards the water, the gentle waves hitting her sole. She extended her hand to me, asking me to follow her.

"Let's go for a swim before the sun sets."

I nodded as I slowly made my way to the waters.

My stomach suddenly churned and my heart skipped a beat. Something isn't right. My mind was screaming for me not to go into the water. That I should run as fast as I can while I still can.

"Come on, sis!" She insisted.

It's nothing. I told myself as I paced towards her and reached for her hand. Lin smiled at me and led me by the hand. The water soon leveled with my knees and we started splashing water at each other. The cool water she sprayed at me made all the butterflies in my stomach fly away. It washed away all my doubts. I was happy, that's all I knew.

In a matter of seconds, the sun was already gone and the wind blew the dark clouds overhead and revealed a full moon. The bright moon shone above us, its glow reflecting on the water.

Lin stopped to look at the gorgeous moon with worry.

"Sorry, we need to go." She began walking towards the shore.

"Wait up." I reached for her arm, but it was all gooey and slippery. I fell face first to the sea water.

The sand under my feet suddenly disappeared, making me sink deeper. I opened my eyes under the water and saw the dark void sucking me in. It was a bottomless pit.

I kicked vigorously, trying to reach for the surface. I can see the full moon shining brightly above the murky water.

I kicked and I kicked but every time I do, I feel like I'm only going deeper, closer to the void. Soon, the moonlight is indistinguishable.

The water around me turned red. My sides suddenly felt so stingy. I looked down to see a bullet hole over my abdomen, blood slowly seeping out.

I held my breath. I swam harder. I can't give up. I can't die like this. I have to go back to Steelport, to my friends—

"You don't have any friends, remember? You let them all die." I heard the voice behind me. I twisted my body to see who it was.

Lin was floating, just a few feet under me. She was... different. Her skin was bluish. It looked a bit swollen in some parts. Some parts were gone all together, exposing her ribs and parts of her slender arms. Her clothes were torn apart, her hair, all tangled.

I wanted to save her this time.

I swam towards her, down to the void. I reached for her hand. She felt like ice. Her skin felt soggy, like the skin can separate from the bone if I'm not careful. I caught a glimpse of her face. Her eyelids were absent, making her unable to blink. Her wide eyes were staring at me. Her lips curled into a smile, but the skin tore off as she did. Her mandibles exposed, she continued to smile at me.

"Lin! Don't let go!" Bubbles came out of my mouth as I opened it. Water rushed into my body. I was drowning but my grasp was tight on her hand. I wanted to save her no matter what.

I wanted to be able to save them, just this once.

My eyesight grew dim but I kept them open. Suddenly, I felt her cold fingertips on my collar. She began shooting both of us up, away from the bottomless pit we were sinking in.

The water broke over my head and I saw the moonlight again. I breathe heavily, my feet kicking under the water.

"Lin!" I screamed with all I've got, coughing out water in between. "LIN!"

Where was she? She had just saved my life and now she's nowhere to be found again.

I dove underwater again but the water kept pushing me up. My body kept floating no matter how strong I kicked.

Tears began to fall from my eyes. I felt it all again. The feeling of hopelessness, desperation, guilt, helplessness... Just as I had felt when I first lost her.

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A/N: Have you ever had a dream which seem really impossible in real life but in your dream, you totally dig it? My dreams are always like these. Heck, one time I dreamt about a zombie apocalypse and it even had a sort of history and explanation of the previous events that took place so I definitely thought it's real! The human brain is just amazing, isn't it?

If you liked this chapter, please leave a review. Oh, and if you want me to make a specific weird nightmare/dream for the Boss, don't hesitate to bring me a challenge.


	4. Night 3

_I often forget, but somehow, I couldn't forgive myself. _

_I wonder which is worse: to have it burn forever in your conscience, tormenting you every minute of every day, or to forget about it altogether, shut them all inside an old chest together with all your good memories, your past, your very roots because by remembering one, you'll eventually remember all. By doing so, you get the easier way out – you won't feel the pain of grieving, you probably won't even remember what you've lost. You might even forget what you're fighting for once in a while. _

_You'd be numb, but at least you're not in pain._

_I chose to forget. To pretend that everything's alright. That everyone's alright. That the world isn't crumbling under my feet._

**Night 3: Into the garden**

The smell of coffee woke my senses.

I opened my eyes and saw the glass table in front of me, a cup of black coffee sitting on the table.

"You like your coffee like that, right?" a melodious feminine voice said, "No sugar, no milk. 100% caffeine."

I lifted my head and saw the woman sitting opposite of me. Her fingers intertwined under her chin, elbows resting on the table. Her mocha colored skin and her dark locks shone under the sun. Her lips curved into a familiar wide grin.

"You know me too well, Aisha." I scratched the back of my head, feeling ashamed that I doze off in front of her again.

She stirred her own coffee, poured a lot of cream and sugar, just like a lady should. I've never been much of a lady anyway.

I looked around and noticed that we were sitting in the middle of a vast garden. Greener grass than any other fields I walked and all the flowers were in full bloom. Birds chirped overhead. It was quiet, but not the dead silence type. It was relaxing, calming. The sun was above our heads but I don't feel hot at all. Weird weather they got here. If heaven was real, I bet it looked like this.

"How long has it been?" I took a sip at my coffee. "Hadn't heard from you for a while."

"A few years." She twirled her hair which had now grew to its original length when she first launched her singing career. "How are you? Did you do something with your hair again?"

"Well, Shaundi brought me to her hairstylist the other day and they decided to cut my hair without prior notice." I ran my fingers through my short red hair, "I've been doing well in Steelport. It doesn't really suit my taste, too business-y and professional, unlike the Row."

"Hmm..." she leaned closer, "You looked like you were enjoying yourself with your new crew."

I shrugged my shoulders. What the hell does she mean by that? "They're good finds. Besides, I need more capable people in order to defeat the Syndicate."

"More like to fill Johnny's shoes." Her face suddenly went sour.

I froze. My mind lagged a bit. Why, what happened to Johnny? Fill his shoes? Why, where is he?

"Isn't Johnny in Stil-" I stopped myself.

_Right on, I'll see you back in Stil_—

Memories flooded my mind. The gunshots rang inside my head once more. I felt the gusty wind that blew us out of the plane that night. Shivers went up and down my spine.

"He's dead." She said flatly. "Because of you."

My brain couldn't even process anything anymore. I felt like it was going to explode.

"No—He's not dead." I argued, both with her and myself. "He—he's not."

She slammed her hands on the table, spilling the hot coffee over it. She didn't seem to mind the hot steam over her fingers.

"Are you crazy or just stupid?" she gritted her teeth. I've never seen her like this before. She was always calm, reserved.

"Aisha-"

She lunged forward and pulled the collar of my dress shirt. I couldn't fight back. I don't want to.

"You killed the only man I ever loved, or did you forget that too?" her eyes were dark, it mirrored my own eyes – the eyes that knew only vengeance.

"I didn't. The Syndicate killed him!" I reasoned, "That's why I'm in Steelport risking my life-"

"Risking your life?" She raised an eyebrow, "You mean fooling around, stealing hookers and wrestling with masked goons? Tell me, is that really what you call revenge?"

The green garden was suddenly darker. The grass wasn't as green as it used to be. The flowers were replaced by withering wreaths over multitudes of gravestones. I couldn't help but shiver.

"I'm doing every-"

"No, you're trying to take over Steelport so you could feel more powerful! More worthy of your friend's sacrifices!" My eyes widened, "You're not fighting for revenge or because you want to kick the bad guys out of the city and bring them peace, you're fighting so you can justify yourself".

Her hands moved to my neck. Her slender fingers wrapped themselves around my throat.

"We fight because only in the battlefield do we find peace." Her voice gradually changed to a huskier one, it wasn't her voice I hear anymore. That was my voice scolding me.

"To see the other guy drop dead and to see that I'm still standing," her face morphed into my own pale face, my own murderous grin replaced hers. "That's the only thing that reminds me that I am alive."

It was like looking at a mirror. Only the reflection seems more broken than the actual person. Or are we both broken and I'm just in denial and she's over reacting.

"But even the screams of death and the gunshots can't drown the voices in my head." I looked into the woman's eyes. Tear drops fell on my cheeks as I watched myself cry while she strangles me. "No matter how many lives I save, how many enemies I kill, it will never change the fact that I wasn't able to save them."

"Why can't you forgive yourself already?" I asked the woman. Her grip loosened, she let me go. "You did everything you could. Isn't that enough?"

"They trusted us! They all did!" My doppelganger fell on her knees. She sobbed, "How could we let them down like that?"

I knelt beside her and gingerly placed my hand over her shoulder. Comforting wasn't my forte but...

"We didn't." She looked up to me, "We're alive, and as long as we are can change. They did what they did because they believed in us. Every sacrifice they made had not gone to waste. We used each and every one to draw strength, a stepping stone so we may move forward."

I pulled her close to me, cradling her body. I closed my eyes.

"And it is because they believed in us, that's why..." I held her shaking hands, "We must not give up".

I opened my eyes and she was gone. A bouquet of roses were on my arms instead. Aisha's grave was in front of me, and so I set the roses down. "Sorry, Aisha. Looks like I doze off while talking to you again."

I stood up and began walking towards the silver Stiletto parked outside Mourning Woods cemetery. I sat on the driver's seat of my car silently.

I closed my eyes for a long while and when I opened them again, I knew I was finally awake from my long dream.

I was parked right outside the gates of Mourning Wood's. I yawned as I got out of the purple Venom, Johnny gave me years ago. I hadn't used it since I got out of coma, and even forgot about it when I went to Steelport. A bouquet of roses sat on my shotgun seat.

It was a cloudy Sunday. Some kids were running across the street, a few people kneeling over their loved ones grave. There's even a Goth couple sitting down the bench inside the cemetery.

"Yep, I'm awake. This is definitely the Stilwater I know."

_I lied when I said there was an easier way out. In both ways, you'll turn out miserable. Because feelings are not some part of you that you can just manipulate or take off. Sure, you can go fool yourself for the time being, but one day..._

_One day, you'll wake up._

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A/N: Oh, this Night is dedicated to SaintsRow4Ever. Hope I did your dream some justice. Although, it's not really Aisha but the Boss all along, but... yeah. Don't make me explain myself.

Here's a chapter of the Boss trying to comfort herself. Yes, I do it all the time. I pat myself in the back, mentally of course, when I do a good job and there's no one there to do so, or when I'm lonely. Yes, I'm a little bit... hmm... mentally disturbed?

Read and review! Story suggestions/challenges are welcome.


	5. Night 4

_What's worse than losing someone? It's losing them over and over again. _

**Night 4: Rewind**

"Do you wish to try to save them again?" A distorted voice spoke and I turned around.

A hooded figure stood not far from me in a haze. I could see its tattered robe draping endlessly on the floor. Its face is too well hidden by the dark hood. Add a death scythe and I may have mistaken the hooded man or woman for the Death itself – the Reaper.

"Who are you?" I asked, not paying attention to his... or her question.

"Does it really matter?" It chuckled, sounding more eerie than it should've been. "I am giving you a chance to save one of your friends and you ask me some irrelevant question?"

I frowned. I don't want to talk to this guy anymore. But what it's offering is... "What's the catch?"

"There is no catch." The reaper tilted its head back, baring its pale white skin and its bloody, twisted smirk, "I'm not doing this for me. I'm doing this to help you."

"You? Help me?" I said skeptically.

The reaper laughed again, the distorted voice made eerie sounds, "Now that's the problem with you." I raised an eyebrow. "You think so highly of yourself. That no one is good enough to help you or do things for you." It mocked me, "And that's why even as the leader of a massive and powerful gang, you still prefer taking out the trash yourself".

It suddenly dashed in front of me, "You don't trust anyone, don't you?"

It began to laugh manically again. I felt the uneasiness in my stomach. Fear, perhaps? No.

I balled my fist in anger. "What do you want?" I gritted my teeth.

"I don't want anything from you. You, however, might find me useful." The hooded figure retreated.

"I have enough crazy lieutenants. No, thank you." I turned to leave. Only now I realized that we were standing in a void. There's nothing anywhere, just an endless white hallway. But I continued to walk the other way.

"Don't you miss your old lieutenants?" I stopped at my tracks. "One you shot in the head, you don't wish to see him?"

I turned around in fury, "Listen, you little bitch-"

It held out its hand. In its palm is an eyeball. The brown eye reminded me of only one person.

Memories flashed in my head of a certain rainy day in Stilwater that I tried to forget. The pain in my chest was unbearable, just as I felt when I pulled the trigger.

"I'm giving you a chance. Isn't that what you've always wished for?"

hr

I was panting heavily when I opened my eyes. I was standing idly in front of Club Koi, my old cell phone in my hand.

My eyes widened when I saw the caller ID in the phone. I know where I am. I had replayed this in my head a million times. This time...

"Jessica." I said flatly, as I ran in the middle of the highway to look for a car to ride.

"What are you psychic or something?" her familiar sweet voice rang over the phone.

"Whatever you're doing to Carlos, you better stop it right now." I growled, "I'm warning you, Jessica-"

"I'm sure you'll do something scary. Do me a favor. When you're scraping up your buddy's face, just remember Maero gave you a chance to be his partner." She hung up, sounding more annoyed that before. I remember every detail of this day, I remember her every word, the tone of her voice.

A Halberd passed by, I halted it and proceeded to pull out the man driving the car, his wife screaming at the passenger seat.

"Get out! My friend is gonna die!" I screamed at the couple as they scrambled out of the car.

I drove as fast as I can to the docks. I don't need to go to Donnie to ask him where they were. I know where they were.

My heart felt like it was gonna jump right out of my chest. How is this even possible? Can I really save Carlos?

"Get out of the fucking way!" I drove in the incoming lane when my lane get too crowded. I don't care what these people think of me. Well, they don't have a friend chained at the back of a truck.

Brotherhood trucks began to tail me and shoot at me. I drew my GDHC, the gun I always used back in Stilwater, and fired back. I had forgotten how strong these Brotherhood trucks were when they try to ram you. I almost lost control of my car.

I arrived at the very dirt road where I had found Carlos years before. I looked for any signs of the truck. Am I too early? Where the fuck are they?

Soon, I saw an old shack at the side of the dirt road. A Brotherhood Compensator was parked in front of it. The metal chains were attached on its back. I knew the truck. It was the truck that pulled my lieutenant to his death.

I jumped out of the Halberd with my gun in my hand. I heard malicious laughter behind the truck, followed by the sound of metal hitting bone and painful groans.

I didn't even stop to think. I ran towards them and began unloading every bullet at the three men standing behind the truck. One of them, I recognized as the driver of the truck before. In his hand is a bloody metal wrench. I caught them by surprise and they all dropped at the ground.

"Carlos..." I dropped to my knees to see him leaning on the truck, his legs bound by the same rusty chains that pulled him before. "I'm here, Carlos... It's gonna be alright."

I noticed his legs were all broken. It was all bloody and almost disfigured as if it was hit several times. His arms were at the same state. He had cuts and bruises everywhere. I tilted his head up to see his face. His face was almost too painful to look at. His brown eye missing from its socket. His mouth and his nose bled. Rugged cuts were over his face. To think that this was his state even before he was dragged made my knees weak. He had been tortured and they planned to drag his halfway across town if I didn't stop them.

"I'm gonna get you out of here." I stood up and looked for tools to cut the chains on his foot. A bolt cutter? A chainsaw? Anything? I can't find anything but a pair of bloody pliers they probably used to... I don't wanna think about it.

"Fuck!" I kicked the back of the truck where the chains attached in desperation. "Fuck! Fuck!" I tried shooting at it but the chain was too thick. "FUUUCK!"

I knelt down again panting. Trying to sort out my thoughts. "Carlos, hang in there. I'm gonna..." I tried to swallow the lump forming in my throat, "I'm gonna get you out of here, I swear."

He looked at me with one brown eye. He almost looked apologetic to me. _Don't look at me like that, Carlos. Don't. Just don't._

I got an idea. I tried to lift his body carefully towards the truck. His blood made his arms slippery. I can't get a hold of him. The chains also weighed him down. He groaned in pain as I tried to lift him. I immediately set him down, afraid to cause him more pain.

I tried lifting the chains and pulling it from the back of the truck. It was too heavy for me to pull, let alone lift to the desired height.

Tears began welling on my eyes. I began feeling hopeless again, just as I felt before. My hands were shaking as I tried to pull the chains up.

Dark clouds circled overhead. The first drop of the rain fell upon my cheeks. The fine drops of rain followed immediately, soaking both of us in a matter of seconds.

I looked down at Carlos again. His blood mixing with the rain and spreading on the asphalt. I dropped down beside him.

"Carlos..." I sobbed. I don't know if it's tears or the rain that fell from my eyes. I noticed that he had his eyes closed already. His rugged breathing felt slower, "Carlos, you have to fight! You can't do this to me."

I pulled out my phone and began dialing 911. _911, what is your emergency?_ A lazy voice answered.

"Help me! Send an ambulance in... fuck where is this?!" I screamed in desperation, "Uh... Docks and Warehouse District. On the dirt road, you'll find trails of dead Brotherhood trucks."

_Calm down. What is your name, Ma'am?_

"Is that even fucking important?" I yelled as I held Carlos' hand tightly, "I am the leader of the Saints, motherfucker, and my lieutenant is dying!"

_We'll send an ambulance there in fifteen minutes._ The line was cut off.

"That isn't fucking fast enough!" I screamed over the dead line and threw my phone on the ground, breaking it into pieces.

"Carlos..." I turned back at the young lieutenant. I knew he wasn't going to make it. He won't hold out for much longer. "Carlos..."

He looked at me as I brought his hand close to my face. I can feel his warmth fading. "Carlos, stay with me," I tried to keep my voice from breaking, "You can't die on me. You have so much to see in Stilwater—in life! You can't." I shook my head, "You... you have to live to see the Saints back on top of Stilwater. You have to see me take down Ultor and the bastard running it. You have to see me kick some multi-national gang and some super soldier's ass." I let out a dry laugh, "You have such a promising future ahead of you, Carlos. You said you want to be a true gang banger like your brother, right? Then wake up. I promise I'll spend every day training you and bringing you with me to my fights so you can be one. I'm sure you'll be on hell of a gang lieutenant one day-" I wiped the hot tears flowing from my eyes. I noticed he wasn't breathing anymore.

I can't feel his heart anymore. I pumped on his chest like how I saw the EMT's do it. But he doesn't respond at all. I tried again, giving him a CPR, but he doesn't respond. I did it for like a million times but he still doesn't move. I pounded his chest hysterically.

"FUCK!" I grabbed his hand tightly and collapsed over his chest. I couldn't hear a heartbeat. I held on to his hand as tight as I could. Like my hold on his hands can keep him from slipping from me. I breathed into his cold hands, rubbing it to keep it from going cold. He felt frozen and stiff.

_I cried until my eyes were dry. I screamed until my voice was gone._

"Time is up." I heard the distorted voice once again. I didn't bother to look up. "Have you learned your lesson?" I didn't bother to answer.

It was too painful. Too painful to lose him for the second time. To know that you can't really do anything, that you can't change anything at all. It was the painful truth.

I lifted my head, "Give me another chance" I was hyperventilating again.

The hooded figure stood in silence for a moment, "You really are stubborn. Just as advertised by your friends on the other side".

"Give me another chance..." my voice shivered, "Or better yet, why don't you just kill me right here, right now!"

The reaper laughed almost hysterically. "What? So you can escape your miserable and demented existence? No... I won't allow it." It breathed heavily, "You're gonna suffer for the rest of your long life, slowly being killed by your own conscience. And you shall never experience true happiness ever again..."

The reaper lifted its black hood, revealing its face. My eyes widened in horror, seeing the familiar features under the veil.

The reaper swooped in and whispered in my ear, "That is your punishment."

hr

A/N: I have to admit, with my laggy laptop, Red Asphalt was really difficult to accomplish and I was almost too frustrated to know that Carlos will die eventually when you finally reach him. I kept replaying it and fail saying that Carlos died and then when I finally finished the mission Carlos dies in my hands. What the serious fuck? My feelings were multiplied a hundred times because of this. I wouldn't really feel that bad but the fact that I spent days trying to save him and then ending up dead anyways just makes so mad.

I love how this Night turned out. I'll leave it to your imagination who the reaper really was. *wink wink*

R&R!


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